Games on the Throne: Tetris

Games on the Throne10What is it?

Tetris requires no introduction, because if you tried to explain it, you’d bore the audience into doing something that sounded more interesting. Either you love Tetris, or you probably don’t care about it.


–          It’s been the go to game to play while pooping since the original Game Boy version.

–          It’s simple to play, and you probably already know the rules. If not, you can learn them in less than a minute.

–          It’s free.

–          … It’s Tetris.


–          Endless ads. There is an ad posted on the top of the screen during every game. In addition, starting a new round or switching to another window means an ad will likely pop up before you can play. Most of the time, you can skip these ads, though the inescapable ones can be as long as 30 seconds.

–          I hate to admit it, but I believe all the flashy new games I have access to have over-stimulated me. Vanilla Tetris just doesn’t get me excited anymore.

–          Maybe it was my phone, but the touch controls were toilets.

–          Tetris is far more stressful than I remembered, and it made my colon clench on more than one occasion.

I don’t know:

–          I have no idea if there are micro transactions. I told the game I was six in hopes it wouldn’t ask me to buy anything. I believe this is why it kept giving me ads for MEGA BLOKS and Teddy Ruxpin’s cyborg nephew.

–          It’s made by EA. They’re still evil, right?


If you really want to play Tetris, go buy a Game Boy from a thrift store or eBay and a copy of Tetris. If it’s not worth the financial investment, spend your time on something else.

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