A good buildup to a plot-related- yet groan-inducing- pun

Deep in an unmapped portion of the forest, you see a shallow river. Surging purple and blue psychic energy runs through it. In the brilliant light, glimpses of events from the past constantly emerge and vanish in an instant. Images of mighty warriors in their greatest moments. Emperors seizing a foreign throne. Two life-long lovers locking eyes for the first time. All of history itself twists and surges through the shimmering, magical energy.

When you reach down and touch it, the energy parts around your fingers. It is cool to the touch. The images become clearer and last longer. They are no longer fragments of a moment, but rather an event played in the theater of your mind’s eye.

From the energy, a voice within the magic speaks directly into your mind. “Welcome to the History Channel.”

^_^

Games on the Throne: Tetris

Games on the Throne10What is it?

Tetris requires no introduction, because if you tried to explain it, you’d bore the audience into doing something that sounded more interesting. Either you love Tetris, or you probably don’t care about it.

Pros:

–          It’s been the go to game to play while pooping since the original Game Boy version.

–          It’s simple to play, and you probably already know the rules. If not, you can learn them in less than a minute.

–          It’s free.

–          … It’s Tetris. Continue reading “Games on the Throne: Tetris”

Games on the Throne: Puzzle & Dragons

Games on the Throne10

What is it?puzzle and dragons

Puzzle & Dragons is a match-3 RPG. You choose up to six creatures to accompany you and defeat other creatures as you traverse dungeons. Your creatures attack when you match different colored tiles, and you level them up between dungeons as well as get new ones.

Pros:

There’s a lot of lovely artwork to scrutinize while you fertilize.

You can hold the phone and play it in the same hand, making it optimal for playing during every part of the event.

Everything is turn-based, allowing you to take your time or take breaks when your bowels command it.

You have a few seconds to slide a single piece around, allowing you to get combos and go beyond a normal match-3 gameplay style.

You can stop playing at any point and pick it back up whenever. You won’t lose progress so long as you have an internet connection.

RPG gameplay and leveling adds cohesion and interest to an otherwise simple game.

It’s free (although it does have optional micro transactions).

Cons:

Trying to get mad combos can get tense, and you may find yourself prematurely pinching your butt bread off a slice earlier than intended.

You have to grind in order to attempt to get anything of worth or to level up your creatures.

Conclusion:

If match-3 games interest you, go for it.

If a match-3 game with RPG leveling interests you, get it.

If you like cute monstas, start all the downloadin’.

If either of those sound stupid, avoid it.

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