I managed to post this everywhere except on my website. While it’s too late to buy the September Humble Monthly, here’s a video review of Killing Floor 2! That still might matter to you!
Late to the Party: Resident Evil Six
Reviewed on: PC (Steam)
Original Release: October 2012. Released March 2013 for PC and re-released for PS4 and Xbone March 2016.
I love enjoyably bad things. Continue reading “Late to the Party: Resident Evil Six”
Games on the Throne: The Last Vikings
What is it?
The Last Vikings is… a resource gathering game featuring tiny pixilated vikings that do things when you press a button at the right time to gain a minor but positive outcome that varies depending on your situation… It is slightly more enjoyable than it sounds.
Continue reading “Games on the Throne: The Last Vikings”
Late to the Party: Jurassic Park: The Game
Available on: PC (Reviewed), PS3, Xbox 360
Developed by: Telltale Games
Published by: Telltale Games
Directed by: Daniel Herrera, Marco Brezzo, Andrew Langley, Nick Herman
I’m a sucker for anything with dinosaurs in it. My unchecked passion has gotten me in trouble before, wooing me into buying Orion: Prelude and seeing Jurassic Park 3 in theaters. Other times, it allows me to take a risk and discover something wonderful, or at least enjoyable. In the case of Jurassic Park: The Game, I found a worthy sequel to Jurassic Park that was just as fun and flawed as the original movie, though in different ways. Continue reading “Late to the Party: Jurassic Park: The Game”
Games on the Throne: Dark Lands
What is it?
Dark Land is a side-scrolling runner where you jump over or slide under traps and obstacles as well as attack and defend against various monsters. It is basically Dark Souls meets Happy Wheels. You earn (or purchase) gems and spend them to upgrade your health, attack, and agility (though I still don’t know what upgrading your agility does).
Pros:
- It has both set levels that increase in difficulty and skill required as well as a survival mode where you run and fight for as long as you can.
- The bosses are fun and challenging.
- The game play is difficult but it requires skill more than luck.
- It’s free, there are no ads, and it’s not pay to win.
Cons:
- While I like the survival mode more than the normal levels, they get redundant too quickly.
- It requires two hands to play, and you have to hold the device sideways.
- Precision movements + well-hidden traps = unexpected clenching.
Conclusion:
I played Dark Lands a lot, but after a while, it was to prove to myself that I could beat the level rather than playing it for enjoyment. If the Dark Souls x Happy Wheels pitch doesn’t sell you, don’t feel bad skipping this one. If that comparison does interest you at all, definitely give it a download.
Neko Atsume
What is it?
There are stray cats that wander around your neighborhood, and like any sane person, you want to lure them into your yard so you can admire their adorableness. You draw them in by putting out different kinds of food and providing an assortment of toys to play with and objects to sleep on or crawl inside of. Once they’re in your yard, you can take their picture, and each cat has its own photobook. When they leave, they tip you with fish that you can use to purchase more toys and food.
Pros:
– The cats are undeniably cute.
– Special cats with cute costumes and punny names will show up when certain toys are placed in your yard, and snapping their pictures is totally rewarding.
– It reminds me of Pokemon Snap on Nintendo 64, and anything that does that is a good thing.
– The music is catchy and gets stuck in my head.
– It can be played one-handed.
– It is free.
Cons:
-The cats only appear once the app has been closed for a period of time. You’ll also need to refill the food several times. Thus, you have to play this game outside of potty breaks.
– The music is catchy and gets stuck in my head.
– Even if you have the yard expansion and you’re trying to get pictures of all of your cats using different toys/sleeping spaces, a round of this game probably won’t last you an entire bathroom break.
– There is no leveling or deep mechanics. It is very straight-forward with what it is (technically, that’s a good thing, too).
Conclusion:
If the phrase “adorable cats show up, you take pictures of them, and they ignore you” interests you, get it. If not, go to the hospital because you are missing your heart and you need one. Those things are important.
Games on the Throne: Tetris
What is it?
Tetris requires no introduction, because if you tried to explain it, you’d bore the audience into doing something that sounded more interesting. Either you love Tetris, or you probably don’t care about it.
Pros:
– It’s been the go to game to play while pooping since the original Game Boy version.
– It’s simple to play, and you probably already know the rules. If not, you can learn them in less than a minute.
– It’s free.
– … It’s Tetris. Continue reading “Games on the Throne: Tetris”
On Time to the Party: Conquest of Elysium 4
Picture from Steampowered.com
Price I paid: The developers, ill winter, gave me a copy of Conquest of Elysium 4 before release. If you think receiving a free copy would influence me to put a positive spin on my review rather than being truthful, I swear on the sales of my books, this is an honest review.
Available on: Windows, Mac, Linux, and Steam OS.
Made by: ill winter.
91% of my knowledge on strategy games comes from playing Dominions 4, and the other 9% comes from hearing my old roommate complain about StarCraft 2. Since the same people who made Conquest for Elysium 4 made Dominions 4, the knowledge I had of the latter did give me a bit of an edge. Continue reading “On Time to the Party: Conquest of Elysium 4”
Games on the Throne: TransPlan
Available here: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=kittehface.plink&hl=en
What is it?
TransPlan is a puzzle game where you have to solve problems by using physics. Does that make sense? You have to move one object to a particular spot on the map, and you can only move it by having other objects affect it. You can pin objects down or erase them… You can make catapults… None of that probably makes any sense, does it? Just watch the trailer. Continue reading “Games on the Throne: TransPlan”
Games on the Throne: Toilet Time
What is it?
If there was ever a perfect game for this review series, it would be Toilet Time. Toilet Time is a series of touch-based micro games, each one taking mere seconds to complete. It’s like WarioWare if all of the games and humor revolved around poop jokes. Continue reading “Games on the Throne: Toilet Time”
RexiconJesse - Jesse Galena 